Forty Five and Counting

I turned 45 years old Sunday. Today, I spent the afternoon at the Spa courtesy of my Husband and my Mother. Very relaxing. But one curse of having a birthday three days after Christmas and three days before New Year's Eve is that I am doomed to reflect on my past year and resolve myself to self improvement for the coming year. This year, my Father got into the act by writing a special card reminding me that Frank Lloyd Wright did most of his work in the last quarter of his life, designing the Guggenheim in his 70's. At least he didn't buy me a copy of one of those "1,000 Places, Songs, Movies, Books ect .... Before You Die" books.

My grandmother's passing at 90 had already made me quiet reflective. Obviously, I only knew her in the second act of her life and she had a tremendous impact on my life and the lives of many others around her. I was depressed when I turned 30. While I didn't feel old, I knew I was no longer young. Then I had my children and returned to the world of Dr. Seuss, Cinderella, Cheerios and Kindermusic. Somehow, I felt ageless with those little souls in my care. Even 40 was painless. Now, my husband and I share the home with two great young people with an eye towards the door and their own ambitions and dreams.


As I turn 45, I admit my thoughts have returned to the ambitions of my youth. What can I do? Where can I go? What can I accomplish? How much time is left? How can I look and feel young enough to reach the next chapters of my life? Do my youthful dreams and ambitions have a chance at this time in my life? I have absolutely no idea. I do know that it is the people and personal relationships in my life that mean the most. I also admit that as my family needs less and less of my time, I can see the opportunity to turn a new page for myself. And I know that with my family beside me, I will have the support to do as much as I can. Well, maybe that Broadway actress dream is a bit of a stretch now, but there were other plans that my youth made me too timid and self conscious to pursue. So I am resolved to embrace my new new year and all it offers. I certainly can't complain about the last forty four.

Hey, Colonel Sanders started KFC at 65. I still have time to learn to cook!

A Lifetime of Memories

Dorthy Ervin Stratford was born February 1, 1918 and died on December 12, 2008. For more than forty years, she was my Grandmother. She lived her life fully. And in doing so, she made memories for all who knew her. She had a wonderful sense of humor. She read voraciously, did crossword puzzles daily, wrote notes and letters to friends and loved ones regularly, and gave of herself selflessly. She bragged about her family members with no shame. We were her world and she was proud of it. When I cleaned out her apartment when she moved into a nursing home, I found every post card and letter that I ever sent her. She saved clippings from the newspaper, programs from my dance recitals, the church announcements of my baptisms, and clippings from my Debutant days and my marriage. She loved to cook and especially craved sweets. She was one of the first people I wanted to call with any special news.

She taught me so many things over the years. I hear her voice in my head clearly. She stressed the importance of written thank you notes. She insisted that you dress appropriately for the occasion and your company. She reminded me that I would be judged by the company I kept and to choose wisely. She valued education and travel opportunities and encouraged me to reach as far as I could ever day. She reminded me to bow my head in prayer and remember to look to God in everything. She valued relationships and people more than things. She did for others and thoroughly enjoyed what others chose to do for her.

She was not perfect. She could be rigid. She needed attention and assurances that you loved her and valued her. She had a flair for the dramatic and was quite the hypochondriac. She was sicker than anyone had ever been if she fell ill. She could be judgmental. But she grew and remained open to change throughout her life. Most importantly, she made each of us feel we were special to her.

I will think of her every time I see a red bird, a layer cake, a chocolate peanut butter Easter egg, the National Inquirer, crossword puzzles, a well set table, Jepordy, the ball drop in Time's Square on New Year's Eve, amethysts, Billy Graham, a coffee percolator,Russel Stover Candy, Myrtle Beach, Charleston, Isle of Palms, Solitaire, snow flakes, sand dollars and shrimp cocktails. I will see her when I hear "Kansas City" play. In short, she is all around me every day.

Selfishly, I wanted even more of her. I wanted more of her for my children. But in her passing, I marvel at the impact her life had on her children, grandchildren, great grandchildren and her friends. She was present and she cared. For all of us who loved her, our greatest challenge will be to follow in her footsteps. To be a person who creates and builds memories for our family and friends by always being there for them. To be "Dot" for someone else.

Thanksgiving

I hate Christmas before Thanksgiving. Retailers start in September. But I think Thanksgiving is a wonderful celebration in its own right. Pilgrims and Indians. It started with people coming together to celebrate a bountiful harvest. They had nothing in common but the desire to feed their families in the winter. They had no common religion, heritage or government but they worked together and celebrated their success together. A special day to reflect on our harvest and to give thanks should be welcomed. I hate to see it become a milestone on the way to some bigger and better holiday. I know I am blessed with a healthy family, a warm home, a wonderful opportunity to provide for my family financially, good friends, and a lovely community. I leave you with a reflection on Thanksgiving by Howard Thurman.


A Litany of Thanksgiving

In Your presence, O God, we make our Sacrament of Thanksgiving.
We begin with the simple things of our days:
Fresh air to breathe,
Cool water to drink,
The taste of food,
The protection of houses and clothes,
The comforts of home.
For all these we make an act of Thanksgiving this day!

We bring to mind all the warmth of humankind that we have known:
Our mothers' arms,
The strength of our fathers,
The playmates of our childhood,
The wonderful stories brought to us from the lives of many who talked of days gone by when fairies and giants and diverse kinds of magic held sway;
The tears we have shed, the tears we have seen;
The excitement of laughter and the twinkle in the eye with its reminder that life is good.
For all these we make an act of Thanksgiving this day.

We finger one by one the messages of hope that await us at the crossroads:
The smile of approval from those who held in their
hands the reins of our security,
The tightening of the grip of a single handshake when we feared the step before us in the darkness,
The whisper in our heart when the temptation was fiercest and the claims of appetite were not to be denied,
The crucial word said, the simple sentence from an open page when our decision hung in the balance.

For all these we make an act of Thanksgiving this day.

We passed before us the mainsprings of our heritage:
The fruits of the labors of countless generations who lived before us, without whom our own lives would have no meaning,
The seers who saw visions and dreamed dreams;
The prophets who sensed a truth greater than the mind could grasp, and whose words could only find fulfillment in the years which they would never see,
The workers whose sweat has watered the trees, the leaves of which are for the healing of the nations,
The pilgrims who set their sails for lands beyond all horizons, whose courage made paths into new worlds and far-off places,
The savior whose blood was shed with the recklessness that only a dream could inspire and God could command.

For all these we make an act of Thanksgiving this day.

We linger over the meaning of our own life and commitment to which we give the loyalty of our heart and mind:
The little purposes in which we have shared with our loves, our desires, our gifts,
The restlessness which bottoms all we do with its stark insistence that we have never done our best, we have never reached for the highest,
The big hope that never quite deserts us, that we and our kind will study war no more, that love and tenderness and all the inner graces of Almighty affection will cover the life of the children of God as the waters cover the sea.

All these and more than mind can think and heart can feel, we make as our sacrament of Thanksgiving to Thee, Our Father, in humbleness of mind and simplicity of heart.

Privacy

I have watched the CMS Teachers- Face Book newscast in Charlotte with interest. On one hand, I understand the outrage. Some teachers are in trouble for things they have posted on their Face Book pages. One said she hated her students, said she taught in the ghetto, and various other comments were made that we don't like to hear from our teachers. I have not looked at the page content. What troubles me is that something someone expressed in what they thought to be a friendly forum was made very public. We all are viewed differently in the context of friends and family. People who know us well, allow us to vent without much recourse, or see what we say in any given situation on the larger stage of their experiences with us. They know when to dismiss us as cranky, ill, intoxicated or sarcastic. But any particular remark we make can be misconstrued or magnified by the wrong person or in the wrong place.

My Father always told me not to discuss business in public, not to drink more than two drinks in the company of co-workers, and never write a letter to someone in anger. He was warning me to be careful of public conduct and speech. But these days with e-mail and text messaging, phones that record video and still photos, and social networking blogs and web-sites, there is an every shrinking zone of privacy. We put ourselves out there for public consumption as soon as we wake up. These young teachers may have behaved and spoken completely inappropriately. It seems that they were naive and immature. But to be fired, have your career ruined and be publicly flogged for what you said, not in a public context like Don Imus, but on your social blog feels wrong.

People grow and change. Fortunately the opinions I held in my 20's are not set in stone. I fear that in our present world we are not allowed to make a public or private mistake or slip of tongue. Suddenly Orwell and Bradbury are very relevant again. So to all my Face Book Buddies, drop out of those groups. You don't know who is in them and they don't know you. And sadly, we can't take that chance anymore.

Karma

Today, I went to Court in one of my cases. A young woman with no children who earns about same income as her estranged husband separated this spring. This man annoyed me early on in the case. The legal issues are simple. Divide what little property and debt they have and move on. There was a house, two cars, two credit cards, a small savings account and a tax refund. In my world, that is a simple divorce.

But of course, it did not stay that way. He left her for a co-worker, but blamed it on her. He took the car he had driven in the marriage, moved in with the girlfriend in a furnished apartment, posted their pictures all over My Space, and he told my client on My Space to get over it and act her weight. He went back into their house when she was at work and took things. He took their escrow refund check off the the front steps without telling her and cashed it. He kept failing to pay the car payment on the car he was driving effectively forcing her to pay it to protect her credit. Finally, after failing to pay the property taxes on his car, failing to renew tags and registration, and claiming he could not pay for it, he dropped the car off at my office (in one hour parking) with the keys and went and bought a new car with almost the same payment. My client, totally broke, was forced to just let it sit and the payments fall behind while she paid for her car, the house, the credit card and all the bills related to the house on just her income and what she could borrow from her parents.

The Judge today required him to be responsible for the car since May 29,2008 and to take care of taxes, insurance and payments. He ordered him to repay her the $851 dollars he took and to pay for some of her legal fees. And to sign over the income tax return check to her immediately.

I deal with people behaving badly every day. Worse, I deal with people who behave badly and feel justified for behaving badly every day. Most of the time, I do not see a court case in terms of winning and loosing. Usually, the decisions made by Judges in my cases are a resolution that is a mix of what you wanted and what you did not not to happen. In a divorce, no one is satisfied no matter the ruling. A Judge almost never does really say anything to satisfy. They are so numb to the behavior.

But today, I took pleasure in the outcome. I was gratified that this Judge took time to tell him he was wrong to leave everything in her lap. I am sure there are people who like this guy. I am sure he has a side in the story of the break up. I like my client's to gain a result favorable to them while I usually take little satisfaction in someone else loosing. Today it meant the world to me to watch him walk out of that room with nothing that he wanted. It meant almost as much as watching my client smile for the first time since I met her. Someone finally told her that she did not deserve his treatment. Perhaps that is wrong... to reveal in the discomfort of someone else. But today, it felt right.

Suspended in Space

Man has always liked to explore and reach. The search for flight and then outer space are testaments to this. I have had some experience with flight. When I was in law school, I decided to take sky diving classes. The experience or logic of leaping out of a fully functioning plane on purpose can not be fully explained, so I will not try. However, after climbing out the door and grabbing the bar on underside of the wing, and letting myself hang parallel to the plane for position, I let go. It is hard to feel like you are falling when nothing seems to be below you. For a moment, you know you are moving and your heart is beating so fast you can hear nothing else. Then the parachute opens and your descent slows. You are floating. And there is nothing but silence. True silence, unlike anything you have experienced. Then you let go of everything else and simply hang somewhere between the sky and the earth and try to absorb everything you see and wonder if this is what God sees. I know that this is what moves people to climb mountains, take up hand gliding and learn to fly planes. The peace is broken when the noise of the world below returns and you must prepare not to crash into the ground or utility wires or lakes and ponds.

The rush and adrenaline is amazing. You experience such complete and opposing sensations from fear and excitement to a peace that will move you to tears. I will never forget the experience. Of course I gave it up when the time came for me to be responsible for packing my own chute and jumping without the zip chord that guaranteed my chute will open. Leave it to me to try to make being a dare devil safe.

It is amazing that I can not approach my personal life, or my professional life with the same abandon that it took to jump out of a plane. I make safe choices trying to avoid unwanted or unexpected consequences. While there is something to be said for the conservative approach, there is a life out there that only the bold know. For every horrible failure, there are moments of pure joy that they could never have imagined. Clearly at some point that adventurous person existed in me. I have seen it. But life taught me to be cautious somewhere. As I spend time with my 90 year old Grandmother, I realize that more than likely I could have half of my life in front of me. I still have time to be bold, take risks and savor the results. But more than that, I have time to let my children be bold. I pray that I am not the one that teaches them that they should play it safe in life. How I teach them to care for themselves and stay safe without teaching them to fear their own lives, I do not know.

But God willing, I can help them feel the thrill someday of being suspended between heaven and earth. To be in a place they never dreamed.... to experience a joy and peace beyond imagination, all without jumping out of a plane. Instead, I hope they jump into whatever they feel they can be. But first, I will have to show them I can do it.

Clay and the terrible, horrible, no good ,very bad day.

No Rice Crispies this morning. Too many cars to throw the football while waiting on the school bus. No water bottle in lunch box. Test on 75 words that someone forgot to study for. Guitar practice as soon as he gets home and off the school bus. No snack. Social studies homework takes a very long time and there is a spelling test too. Mom makes yucky homemade pizza. Dad checks grades on parent assist and isn't happy. Mom checks all his homework and makes him redo study guide. Too dark now to go throw the football with Dad. So grouchy that he is sent to bed early. So grouchy he can't fall asleep. And he is sure that the book fair will sell all the books he wants... very badly..... and there are only two....... before I get home from work to take him.

Good night my little guy. Tomorrow can always be better.

Spooking

Our neighborhood has a little Halloween tradition. Someone rings your doorbell and drops a bag or basket of treats on your doorstep and runs away. There is a note in the bag wishing you a Happy Halloween and directing you to go and spook two other households. This is a big deal. As soon as we get spooked, I am always sent off to Wal-Mart for goodies. Some years, the spook comes early. Some years, I fear I am going to have to borrow a neighbor's sign and go spook myself to get the game started. But always the fateful doorbell rings. And then the deliberation begins. Who shall we spook? We consider the age and number of the children. Then we perform reconnaissance missions to determine whether there is street lighting, motion sensitive security lighting, shrubbery or trees to hide behind, dogs in the yard, or high traffic. Once we have carefully considered the obstacles to a successful spook, we must pick the correct night and time. You see, the residents must be home to answer the door. We can't leave the treats to be taken by wild animals. We must have cover of darkness, but not wait so late that we disturb bedtimes or upset parents with the doorbell. When the time comes, we set off. Sometimes we are on foot and sometimes we drive without the lights and park a distance away from our target. The more challenging the more fun. We have even dared to face off against sprinklers. So far we have never been caught. We have hid in trees, beside houses, behind cars and behind play sets. We are undefeated and delighted.

Tonight, despite a few mishaps, we have again successfully dumped treats on our friends under cover of darkness. Sure, the kids are not letting me choose the tree I hide behind for myself in the future, and yes, we will have to make sure SOMEONE puts the notes in the bags instead of on the counter in the kitchen. And maybe next year we can chose a house that does not water at 8:30 p.m.. But we will be back.

Election Woes

I always vote. Every year, local or national. I do think it is important. It was interesting to note that as divided as the country is, political correctness has bleached the dialogue between neighbors and friends. One friend, who lives in our neighborhood and is from Germany, commented on how funny it was that no one would say in mixed groups who they were voting for. It is so true. When I get bulk e-mails from someone I know in a group that suggests voting for one candidate or the other, I am surprised and wonder at their " Bravado" and then wait for the flurry of replies. But upon reflection, the opinions of those around me would be the most interesting. I spend my days with quite accomplished people from my neighborhood, church and office. Their positions and thoughts should inspire a deliberate decision.
I do not know what we are afraid will happen. Larry King had Maria Shriver on last night and she proudly supports Obama despite her husband. She discussed how it actually was good for her children to grow up and learn how to have respectful disagreements about politics and to be involved. Frankly, it would be good for all of us. One thing for sure. You never can predict and it takes more than one to run this government.

Pumpkin Spice Latte

I woke up very easily this morning. I went downstairs in my chilled house and turned on the gas logs. I then fixed coffee and sat in front of the fireplace to enjoy the first cold morning of fall. I love this time of year. We don't turn on the heat until we need in during the daylight hours so for a little while our home is chilled air first thing in the day and I love it. I made a pot of grits for breakfast and put everyone in jackets. On the way to work, I stopped at Starbucks and bought my seasonal favorite... Pumpkin Spice Latte, non fat of course. It was the best Monday morning I have had in ages. Oh yes, and i do also believe in the Great Pumpkin and all holiday specials scheduled to air for the rest of the year. So drink up, y'all.

Last Debate

I can not even bring myself to watch this one. Neither man is saying anything new. It is almost like a cat fight. To be honest, I expect more from McCain. What happened to statesmanship? Sarcasm has not place in a serious debate. I expect both men will have the full disposal of the brightest and most experiences people in every area if they get elected. They will need to be able to listen, learn, set aside preconceived notions and make decisions. They will need to be able to take responsibility for the decisions they make. Right now neither of them are looking too good. I hate the last part of a race. It is all about winning. I do like the split screen CNN is showing so you can watch the reactions. Is this how McCain would react to world leaders who disagree with him? Does Obama plan on smirking at Putin? Good Lord.

Debates

I watched the VP debates last night. I feel we got to see a good outline of the differences between the two men running for president. Both VP candidates stayed on their man's message. I am a registered independent. I have both conservative and liberal views of life and politics. I bet most Americans feel as I do. We don't fit into a demographic or category.
I have respect for Bidden and McCain. I also feel that someone who always opposed the war and wants to have dialogues when possible is a good change from Bush who doesn't dialogue with anyone with whom he disagrees, as far as I can see. He is never transparent because he doesn't want to be questioned.

I see the biggest differences being in the war. I also think for the first time, average people are understanding the differences in the economic philosophies that the two parties hold and the concrete realities of these differences. Both parties want to fix economy and health care but have strikingly different ways of handling it. I must admit, today, I do not think $250,000.00 is wealthy. Maybe we need to define middle class. There is a big difference between $250,000.0 and Steve Jobs and Bill Gates.

We can't afford to pull our of the mess that exist in Iraq. I know that Obama knows this. We have to maintain a presence. However, we can't act like the power that we once could, we are global in all respects now. China has made in roads with places by buying influence. Give them money and don't tell them how to act. these people owe them now. Russia senses a change and they are flexing too because they know we can't do anything about them. They know that Middle East will deal with anyone and China and Russia are ready to step up to the place so these countries don't have to deal with the US of A to get what they want. Michael Ware always says that he wants to hear the plans for what the candidates will do to pull out and avoid vacuum. I would at least like to see them talking to someone about what they would do? Who would be on their cabinets? Who are their advisers. I wish they had let Ware submit questions. They should.

Bail out..

Well, our lawmakers cannot decide what to do to help our economy. They don't know whether to listen to the lawmakers, their constituents or the economist. Trust is at an all time low. They don't know who to trust. Neither do we.

Some hold the opinion, we should do nothing and let the market correct itself. Some think that the government must do something or else. I have no idea. I just know that we are probably in for a major correction in everything... how we spend and save and plan. We have been through them before and we will go through them again. Hopefully, this will help our children. Hopefully, it will help us.

Civility

I was at a legal seminar last week. We spent a great deal of time talking about substantive legal topics. We also talk about ethics. We have a duty to advocate but also to be professional. As a family lawyer, we often affect our clients lives by how we advise them on matters outside of the legal process. When we treat their attorney or opposing counsel badly, we set the tone. Of course, since they are hurting and often hate the other person, they want us to fight for them... specifically, in their place. They want us to do what they wish they had the power to do. Unfortunately, we often have to fight they way they should fight. And often they need to simply stop the fight. As the speaker said, bad behavior is contagious. All around us, we see a loss of civility. All around us people fight for themselves and not each other. The speaker noted that good behavior could be contagious too. I hope so. And I hope that I can bring that into my everyday process.

Gas Prices

I ran out of gas in the usual way on Friday. I had driven a good bit and wasn't thinking about a run on stations. I wanted to stop on my way home, but I couldn't find a station. I did fill up on Saturday but as I drive there are many stations out of gasoline. I wonder what the emergency vehicles will do. I know that they need gas. We are all trying to be a little more careful. Drive less. Hopefully a reduced demand will make it more available and more reasonably priced. It must be impossible for people with low incomes to fight against this.
I plan to be more careful in my driving and not go places if i don't have too.

Foot Rubs and Wine

It really doesn't take as much to satisfy me as people might think. I am not obsessed with expensive clothes or jewelry. What I really love is a good foot rub and a glass of my favorite wine. Give me a night with Nightly News, AC360 and I am pretty relaxed. When I get a foot rub, I am as happy as can be.
As to my husband, he loves a back scratch. My son loves Discovery Channel. My daughter, lives for her text messages.
Mostly, I love it when we all sit down together and have dinner. They barely care what we eat. But having the time to talk about what is on our mind or who is winning Cash Cab is a blast.
Being grateful for the little things that most people long for is important. Since I deal with people all day who are loosing their families, you have to feel blessed to enjoy the small things. I just hope the rest of my family understands how much the little things mean. I sure would miss my foot rubs.

Life outside of politics and political coverage

Ok, I am not a fan of Palin's politics. I am not always in support of any one's platform. I have always found it interesting that the party of less government wants to intrude in the most private personal issues in our lives... who we marry, whether we give birth or practice contraception, whether we pray in school ect. The difference between the parties and government in our lives comes down to money. Both parties think government needs to tell us what to do and how to spend. It is a matter of who each party is willing to spend the money on.
I am registered independent because I don't have a party ideology. Most people don't. We fluctuate between candidates and issues based on our personal experiences. Does anyone really want to go to war? And frankly, has any modern war been about ideology? No. All wars are about power, money and influence... mostly economic influence. The civil war was not about slaves. That was a side issue that rallied people. The World War II was not about Hitler and genocide. most people didn't know what was going on until he was loosing. And Iraq is not about terrorism. It has and will always be about power in an area which dominates oil. At this point, I think the American people know, we can pull our of Iraq.... and wait until we go to war with Iran... or Korea.... or Russia or God forbid, China.

But will oil, the environment, weak dollar, a sagging economy and job market, what do the news papers and news shows investigate? Sarah Palin's religion...Her daughter's pregnancy.. Her ex brother in law's boss. Good Lord.

At the beginning of this season, everyone thought immigration and the war would be the topics. What is clear is that neither of them will execute an agenda. What they will face has yet to be determined in large part. What we need to know is what guides them? Where do they look for answers? How quickly do they make decisions? Can they stand by a decision? Can they make a hard choice regardless of political consequences. Right now, the tide is turning. What we are seeing is Obama is a political machine. He has shown less heart and less soul monthly. McCain has shown he will make the unpopular decision if it feels right. And he will defend it. Obama is showing his lack of experience. McCain is actually talking about what people are talking about. Obama is still playing defense about his resume.

Talking Heads

You just have to watch this.


http://www.thedailyshow.com/video/index.jhtml?videoId=184086&title=sarah-palin-gender-card

Storms

Well, my brother had his AC unit flooded out in recent rains. As I watched the coverage this week, I was struck how many of the areas only finished rebuilding due to the Katrina. It is amazing how we spend and spend and keep building in areas that are always going to be in the path of nature. It seems that perhaps we should have more respect.

My brother used to live in a 100 year flood plain. Now because the city build and builds, there is nowhere for hte run off and his home has had the yard and A flood twice in six years. Now we have more rain His AC will be fixed this week but what about next week?

People and cities need to plan better when they build. It is sad to see people flooded out. What bothers me is when they live at waters edge. The water will come.

Teen Pregnancy

OK, so the vice presidential candidate for the party of family values has a teenage daughter who is pregnant. She will keep the baby and marry the father. She is a walking example of why abstinence does not work as a message. This young girl got the message from her family, her church, her community and her school. And she still did not listen. Her Mother was the Governor and she did not listen. She had sex, without protection, with her boyfriend.
So why don't we start making sure that people understand that sex without protection creates life long issues. Start understanding that they will have sex. As people get married later and later, they will have sex before marriage.
I need to take the opportunity to make sure my daughter understands the implications. She will be 14. We need her to take care of herself. Teach her self reliance. The babysitting will help. She hates screaming babies. Understanding what is hard about children will help her understand you have to want it. You have to be willing to set everything aside whether you want to or not.
I hope I can help her see that safe sex or no sex is part of taking care of herself. Motherhood isn't for sissies. Kids who want to watch You tube, download i-tunes, carry Coach purses and wear Abercrombie shouldn't play with sex.
And politicians shouldn't play with our children's lives. It is serious. Palin might have considered making her child a poster child for unprotected sex. Why in the word did this Mother put her child knowingly into the spot light nationally for this debate. It is enough when children of political or high profile people have to deal with their personal issues and mistakes in the spot light. DUI, underage drinking, speeding ect. She chose knowing about the issue. How are they going to help this child through at a time when her time will belong to the people of this country if she wins.

It is reason enough for me not to vote for her.

School is back in!

Wow, Summer is over, at least the vacation part for the children. The first week of school is full of such promise.... new teachers, new friends, new books and lessons. The energy level is refreshing. It actually makes you refocus and reorganize even if you are not school. New pencils, pens and notebooks. I have my whole kitchen all fixed and ready for school lunches and family meals. Fall will come and all of the holidays. The new school year is more of a "New Year" than January. I know that i am so lucky to have such smart disciplined children with no learning challenges. School years must be so dreadfully hard. That is why we are hard on our children about grades. They have no excuse and every obligation to succeed to the best of their abilities. So bring it on. We are going to be ready.

Politics heating up...again.

Well, the negative campaigns have started and everyone is denying they are negative. Did people really believe change was possible? More than that, did the candidates really see that people wanted change? Apparently not. I do not believe destroying our ecosystems to find a non renewable resource. So i think we should look for other ways to generate energy. But, someone did make a point today. They said that the other countries needing oil would drill.... and less responsibly with less regulations than we would. Of course, i doubt they will stop drilling just because we do.

Back Together

Well, the children have come back together finally after a week with Grandparents. They had fun but are glad to be home. My son got to go to Panther's training camp and collect Autographs. My daughter and I celebrated her return by attending the Marroon 5 concert with Sarah Bareillies. It was great. They both sounded wonderful and it was a nice change of pace from my very hectic weeks. Now we are turning our attention to back to school purchases, bus assignments and teacher letters are coming out and summer is coming to a close. We are going to celebrate it by ending the summer with a little outing. Boys to Bristol and Girls to Asheville, NC. Only 26 days of summer left. Amazing.

Grandmothers

The kids have been with their Grandmothers all week. We will be picking them up this weekend. They have been spoiled and completely catered to this week. Hopefully, they have enjoyed it and will feel like they got a break from the weekly routine. It has been fun to listen to what they have been going and doing. Todd and I have been spending a good time and I have worked allot. It is already next week in my mind.

Summer Fun

I was at Wal-Mart tonight. We needed school supplies to donate at Vacation Bible School. I hate it that back to school supplies are on sale in July. It is worse than Christmas decorations out in September. We just got into the summer. A few weeks, the pool, then family vacation and already we are counting down. Today, we have already reminded our children to make a list of things they wanted to do before school starts back so we can make time for it and help them. Of course, i just remember hanging out and not needing to be in school and have homework. We didn't talk to most of our classmates all summer unless they were on our streets and so we all caught up. Now, it seems the expectations are big. This year we did try to leave the summer open and not get involved in too many camps. Give the children time to breath and Stephanie time to get some babysitting jobs. Of course, they have pretty much hung around here, but that is ok. Hopefully, they will find the first day of school exciting. I was remembering always being a little sad at the end of the summer.

Weekends, yeah

Well, I am at my office, but it is quiet. I am working and feel I am getting things done. Plus, I have a dinner date at a very nice restaurant with my husband tonight. All is well and my Mom is away for the weekend on a much needed break herself. All in all, i plan to let the house go a little and make sure we all rest up. I know I wil be back in the office again Sunday and then the week starts, but I know this wekend we will all have a little fun. Next weekend the kids will be done to see Grandmothers for a little while.

Mid Week-Not Mid Life

Well, I got my test results today. I started having pain in my fingers and joints about 6 weeks ago. I let it get so bad i could hardly function for hours. Why? Because I do not want a diagnosis that confirms what life around me keep saying. I am getting older. I am half the age of my grandmother. My daughter and son keep getting older. Everywhere I go, I see my peers looking more like I remember my parents looking. In any event, my joint pain is caused by a virus. But my resistance to having it looked at was silly. If I am really mid life, I have a long way to go. If I grow as much in the second as the first half, I can really accomplish many things. So I guess, it is all a plus. And it is just another Wednesday.

Everyday Magic

We are back from a family vacation. It was wonderful, of course. Friends, family, relaxing, sun and surf. The key is to keep the vacation when we return home. As I grow older and watch as the people I love grow older, I realize more and more that all our memories and moments are important and special. I hope to make the most of all of our days. Work is important. I am paid quite a wage to do a good job, so I must focus and put in the time. But when I am not there. I need to put as must time as I have into people, not tasks.

For instance, I am enjoying a new "album". Jason Mraz. He is young and writes wonderful songs. I love a good song writer. I wish I had that talent. I make my children listen to music and I listen to what they are listening to now. It makes for good conversation. So does watching the news and movies together. We had such fun watching "The Bucket List" as well as the new "Get Smart" movie as a family. I think the children had as much watching their Dad laugh at the movie as they did watching it.

Memories are the every day magic. ... Big and Small.

Sunday Night

I always look forward to the weekend and Sunday comes too fast. I guess it seems we do most of our living Friday through Sunday. This weekend was no exception. Friday, I saw a wonderful play, "12 Angry Men", along with a great dinner. Saturday, we celebrated my little one's birthday.... he turned 10, with family and friends. Sunday, we enjoyed a little family time, cleaned house, and planned for the last full week of school. As to tomorrow, 5 more days of distraction from my family.

True balance would be one day on and one day off.... oh well. I guess if we lived very simply, we could do it. Good Night.

Time

Yes, it has been almost two months since I posted to my blog. The family took an amazing trip to California. We celebrated Mother's Day. I have helped out a little with my grandmother, worked, cleaned, arranged activities for the kids...... blah blah.. blah. All the details that make my life, my life. My life is full... very full. A wonderful husband, two healthy intelligent children, parents that live close by as well as other family members. I have a good career and so does my husband. But time is always in short demand. How I choose to spend it everyday is not so simple Work often dictates the tone. From 8 until 6 pm, I am destined to be doing what I have to. The time before and after work is so limited. I sit here exhausted. I power washed our deck ( a good bit of it), dumped, washed and folded three loads of laundry, empty the trash, took out the recycling, emptied and loaded the dishwasher, washed a load of dishes, bought some plants, arranged a bulk pick up for large garbage, took and picked up a child from one of three birthday parties this weekend, fixed or arranged, breakfast, lunch and dinner, made a grocery list, picked up the kitchen and den, checked in on my mother and grandmother, ordered the dairy products and scolded my daughter two or three times. Most of the day, my daughter was with friends or watching a tv on some other room. My husband and son watched a tv in another room or were on the computer. I took my son to the pool while my husband and I were working on the deck so he would not be bored. We didn't even eat together all day. tomorrow, i have to go into my office, grocery shop and run errands for my little boys birthday party. Then a long week at work (even though it is four days). Next weekend, plan for and implement party. Things have to be done. But i know I should have spent time with the family at least part of the day. I hear fireworks. I don't even know who is having a firework display. I love fireworks. I should have a Google alert to advise me. The thing is, i havw not gotten one half of what i wanted to get done this weekend. Yesterday, i ended up getting a little bit done ad then handling "obligations" the rest of the day... social niceties... Had a loverly dinner and then went straight to work to make sure my son had shorts to wear this summer.

The choices are never simple. The weekends we have not worked around the house add up to another long weekend in out future dealing with garage clean up. But tomorrow.... everyone is eating on my deck.... all day. And maybe I will post again to my little blog. And I am buying more candles. An outlet is good. Tine is better.

Quitin TIme

I don't understand why people are trying to get Clinton to quit. Why would you stop a race because you might not win or forfeit the game because you are behind? It seems to me if the leading person cant stick it out to the end, then he shouldn't be running in the big race. The idea that the division is destroying the Democratic party is idiotic. There are huge differences between McCain and both the candidates. If people are liking Obama becuase of his ideas, they are not going to vote for McCain. If they like Hillary for her ideas they are not going to vote for McCain. If they want hte White house, they are not going to vote for McCain. The Obama supporters and Democratic leaders need to shut up. They insult the American public, they insult the Democratic party and they insult both candidates.

Marketing

I am a partner in a small business. As the economy suffers, we are all in competition for the same dollars. Thus, we decide how to best spend our money....Internet, phone book, radio, sponsorships, ect.

One thing we have always done is to try to get out on an individual basis and mingle with people. We hope when they need our services, they will think favorably about us. We are always looking at ways to be out and be known for our services in the community.

However, lately, we have decided to do more. We are collectively taking time out of our work day, and paying our employees to deliver food to the elderly. We are start next week and i am so proud and thrilled to be a part of this. I have an elderly relative that could use this service if it were in her town. We are taking time to take a stand. We are taking time to give back without thought of what we will gain in return. (OK a tax write off, maybe)... but more importantly, we continue to establish that we care. We care about the people who work for us, we care about the people who hire us, we care about the people in our profession that we work with, and we care about people in this community. We care that our employees take time out of their lives to do for others and we hope they are enriched by the experience. We are giving them time out of their work day to volunteer.

I am excited and I hope everyone sees the real gift in giving to someone. Maybe marketing giving will be as trendy as "going green". And people will benefit.

Michael Clayton

I just watched the movie tonight after months of trying. I loved it. Fast paced, intrigue and wonderful performances. I was watching the deleted scenes and the one with his female companion should not have been deleted. It was the clearest piece showing the conflict between his job and his ego. When it was clear he didn't know about the merger after working at the firm for 17 years, he shows off all the dirt he does know by spilling the beans about one of his Fixes.... just to appear more important and in the know to his girl. How basic is that. It makes the confidentiality section at the end of the movie more powerful. It makes Michael more understandable. He got into the situation and he can't get out. He is only valuable if he does what everyone wants but since he is the fixer, he can't be accepted into the club. He is almost an enemy.

As brilliant as George was, T. Swinton, was amazing. She deserved the OSCAR.

Of course it gets you thinking. I am a lawyer and people ask me all the time how do you represent people who don't believe in. I guess the answer, is most of the time, there is something redeemable and defensible about every one. Everyone seems to skirt the rules, the ethics, the expectations of society. My daughter used her cell phone before the final bell to have a girl add her phone number to the phone. All phones are to be off during school hours. She broke the rule, but I was the bad guy because i took the phone for 24 hours (since I had to leave work early and get to school before the office closed to get it) Her classmate that pointed out the infraction to the teacher was a jerk. All because she thinks it is a stupid rule. We run lights and justify it because we are in a hurry. Take the extra change because it wasn't our mistake. We lie when we don't ant to talk to someone. In this movie,Arthur meets a Plaintiff that compels him to question his life's work. He calls her a miracle. When Michael met her , he could not believe she had not told anyone about what Aurthur found about the Defendants lawsuit. He was incredulous. She had shared with no one. Why? She promised.

And he was shocked. A promise meant something.

It was a great movie. We should all try to show character in the little opportunities. It is when we are really judged. Few of us would commit murder, rob someone, steal from our bosses. But in the little decisions, we often fail. What would happen if everyone expected the best and got it, instead of assuming everyone falls short.

Decisions, Decisions

I am on politics overload.... and the real elections has not even started. I don't know why I would think I could make an intelligent choice for President of the United States. My daily decisions are hit and miss at best.
Do I sleep longer or get up and walk before work?
Do I buy the sweatshirt for my daughter by going to the mall after a long day at work and avoid an argument, or just go buy the damn thing and collect the money from her?
Do I go eat Chinese for lunch or eat my Lean Cuisine?
Do I read or watch TV?
Do I spend time with the family or go to a friend's party?
Do I talk to my daughter about sex and drugs or try to enjoy her and pretend she is still young?
Do I let her go to that party or not?

I am weak sometimes from all the decisions large and small. Not to mention the ones I make at work every day that affect so many lives. The decision of who will lead out country is big. I do think who is President makes a difference. The last 8 years have proven that. President Bush has made more decisions that have made us weak. It doesn't matter what party he is in. He was just very wrong for the job. The voters knew it and were ignored. I don't want to see it happen again with the Super Delegates. I do not think voters will stand for it again.

But anyway, should I call that Mom who said something unkind about my daughter to her daughter?

Time Flies

Since last post, we have celebrated my husband's birthday and my Grandmother's 90th birthday as well as Valentines day. We have an anniversary next. All the celebrating and festivities mark the passage of time. But this week, we got a little time capsule, We had a few of those disposable cameras and took them to get developed. Well, one was a zoo trip from a time when Stephanie was maybe 9 or 10. Clay had no front teeth. The other was from Stephanie's first summer experience at camp just the summer before last. Needless to say, they had grown a tremendous amount. Moving from mark to mark, we don't really see the progress. Maybe that is why it is the big numbers we celebrate... 25th anniversary, 50th birthday. Every year, i think about the fact that we seem to push through from one day or week to the next without really living or enjoying the experience. It seems to be a theme for me this year. I wonder if that is why age fighting tricks are so big now... if we don't look older, maybe we aren't older.
My grandmother has lived 90 years... twice the amount of years I have been alive. She has had children, grandchildren and now great grandchildren. But everyone she grew up with has passed. She talks about being ready whenever God takes her. I wonder when it is that you decide you have lived your life? I wonder if you ever feel you have lived it right.? I wonder if we ever really do?

More Celebrations

Well, a few more birthdays. Todd will join me at 44 and Dottie will be 90. I can't imagine how much life will change in another 45 years for me. Todd will join me at the spa. I love the spa. We get to be sort of alone and be totally relaxed. I am looking forward to the time. We have been very much into the children celebrations with Christmas and Stephanie's birthday. Time to do a little adult time. We should all celebrate. Not just other people's milestones, but our own. We should take a little time to toot our horns and focus on us. It is important. I am trying to remember.

Hit and Miss

Well, Thursday we were to have a big snow and today we were supposed to have 3 or 4 inches. We almost canceled Stephanie's lunch with the Grandparents today because we were worried they would get in bad weather on the way back. Well, of course it stopped snowing 4 hours later and no accumulation. Cold but very dry. I have always said I wish I could have a job where I could be wrong this often.

But our life predictions are no closer sometimes. I don't know that any of us hit the mark. As I look at Stephanie, now 13, I wonder what her future will be. I never thought she would be text messaging and all social. When she was born they didn't text message. I hope that she builds her own future and makes all her predictions come true.

Parties and Preparations

My baby is turning 13 years old. I am amazed and all that has passed and all that has changed. I look at pictures and can't comprehend how much a child can grow in just twelve months. I can't believe how much older I look. We are planning a big boy/girl bash at a laser tag facility. She is very happy. Sitting in her room calling out huge vocabulary worlds, I now know she can't get anywhere fast in life for responding to all those text messages. Truly, the world of a teenager has moved far beyond what we experienced.
As my grandmother of almost 90 talks about parties at the local college and boys being fresh and forward, my baby is entering a world of low rise jeans, sexually explicit song lyrics and instant communication. Certainly much is expected of our children today. They have to be much smarter about everything and can almost never relax about going out ongoing on-line. All the dangers of yesteryear can enter your home unknowingly via a modem.
Oh, how I wish I could take her back to the years of PBS and car seats. A time when I was her world so she would always be safe. As I take a back seat I can't help but to worry that I haven't done enough to prepare her. I sure hope I am wrong. God bless her and keep her.

And the tide turns

Well, in a week a lot can change. My grandmother was discharged. She did not qualify for any assistance but she will be a handful for my Mom. My Mom doesn't have an adequate support system in place for this. There are so many people caring for older family members but the resources are just not there. People who spend there money raising their families, don't always have enough left over to care for themselves in old age. Since this has been a problem for the last decade, would have thought more would have been done.

On the Road Again.

Well, we seem to be putting a groove in I 85. All December and now January we have been very involved in family events. People are going both directions for sure, with our family coming here and we certainly are going there as well. With our plans for the rest of the Month, I see more of it coming. I don't think we have gone more than three days without seeing one of our out of town family members. I spent some time with my grandmother this week and my mom. She is not doing better and my mom has had it hard. But tomorrow we are going to celebrate another birthday. I think when something bad happens to love ones, you refocus and take them less for granted. Well, since we are not just thinking of ourselves and our weekend breaks, we are all spending more time together. We are lucky after all to have somewhere to go and someone to see.

The End

My grandmother is ill. She has always been special. She will be 90 in February and we were planning a big party. She has been failing in physical health but pretty sharp. Until last weekend. She started behaving strangely. We thought she had mismanaged her medicine and were starting to deal with that. She was admitted to the hospital to be checked out and now she is very disoriented and having some hallucinations. The doctors don't know why. I am not ready for her to leave us. I am not ready not to be able to call her and chat. What bothers me now is the missed opportunities for whatever reason that I let pass in the last few years. We never know how quickly the end will come for a relationship. We simply have to make time for what matters... and who matters.